This morning, just before I woke up for the day, I dreamt I was riding a horse. It was a trail ride, but kind of a wild one. However, unlike me in real life on even the tamest trail rides, I was not even remotely afraid. As the trail ride ended and I had to leave the horse to get ready for dinner, in my dream, I realized I didn’t want to leave the horse and that I really loved it and that this horse really loved me.
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For a little perspective, I have never really cared for animals. I’ve always assumed this makes most animal lovers a little wary of me. I’ve just never enjoyed animals much. I don’t ever want a pet, they seem like a lot of work. So, basically, I have never in my entire life felt about an animal the way I felt about this horse in my dream.
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When I woke up I had this sweet, lingering feeling of love and longing, and I immediately thought of Joel, because Joel loved animals, and specifically he really, really loved dogs and horses. Joel wasn’t in my dream. I have dreamt of Joel a few times since he died, but none of the dreams have ever felt very significant. However, this dream, completely void of Joel, felt very significant.
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I’ve never really believed that after people die they can send us dreams or anything like that. I know many people who have lost someone close to them do believe that and find great comfort in it. I’m not saying I believe that now, but I will say, that I suspect if Joel could send me a dream, he would have sent me a dream just like that, a dream about loving a horse. This dream let me experience something I never have before, and almost can’t put into words, and it helped me understand how Joel might have felt about animals.
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The love I felt when I woke up felt supernatural and reminded me of C.S. Lewis’ writings about longing for heaven, and how that longing is something akin to the purest form of joy.

Comments

There are 3 comments for this post.

  1. Karen Smith on November 23, 2014 9:24 am

    I truly believe Joel sent you the dream…He will always be with you and watch over his earthly family…Wishing you as much peace as possible…Karen Smith

  2. Jessica on November 23, 2014 9:12 pm

    beautiful. thanks for sharing.

  3. Anna on January 5, 2015 9:15 am

    The dream is important. You may get more help in dreams. Dreams work with symbols. The wild ride is the wild “ride” you’ve been on with regard to Joel, his cancer, and his passing. You were “fearless”: You’re being told that you’ve done a good job in a very hard time, you managed it, even though it’s been one hell of an emotional ride. The horse here symbolizes Joel – he and his cancer took you on this ride. You got on the horse, even though you don’t care for animals, i.e. cancer. This indicates that you rose to the occasion, dealt with everything the cancer brought with it, didn’t shirk from any demands, stayed right there with Joel through thick and thin. You loved him through his illness and he truly loved/loves you. The dream is saying that the wild ride, i.e., the hard time of his sickness and the subsequent shock and utter rawness of his death, are now over. You can now “get dinner”, i.e., move forward from the raw time. Of course you will continue to mourn, but the worst is over. Joel loved you deeply for caring for him, loved you for accompanying him on his difficult path.

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