When Joel quit breathing yesterday we weren’t super concerned once he recovered, because he has done that two or three other times when he became very upset as a result of a mild injury.
However just now I was cleaning Joel’s nose, which he did not like and he was crying a little but pretty weakly, and he stopped breathing and passed out again. He did not seem overly upset, and I know he was not hurt, but it was as if he just couldn’t manage crying and breathing at the same time, like his breathing wasn’t strong enough. Since then Ryan just laid Joel down and Joel got a little upset and began to turn blue again.
He is pretty pale right now and his lips fluctuate between very white and a little pink. We were wondering if he needed some oxygen, or if his lungs were shutting down. We emailed his nurse, because that’s how we communicate here, and she called us back immediately and told us to bring him to the emergency room. Honestly, we told her we didn’t want to, because we knew the emergency room would be more likely to admit him, and if the MRI tomorrow shows what we suspect it will, that there is tumor growth, we want to take Joel home to Colorado with us. We don’t want him stuck in San Francisco in-patient. She became very insistent that Joel must be stabilized, and that we would not be able to drive across the country with Joel as he is now. We know she’s right, but it’s really hard. We just wanted to keep him as calm as possible and with us, but we’re past that point I think, and it’s shocking because while he was getting gradually worse, he hasn’t been lethargic, he hasn’t had seizures, he doesn’t need pain medicine, the signs that death was especially imminent just haven’t been there, until yesterday and this morning. Our nurse reassured us that if necessary they will medically transfer Joel to our home hospital. It’s hard to be sure that would happen, or that we have time, but we know God is for us and God is for Joel.
I believe Joel has a calling to fulfill here on this earth. I have prayed for his life enough to have a sense of his destiny and I do not believe God is finished with Joel’s earthly life. Every time Joel quits breathing, i pray for victory and life for Joel. I believe Joel will live and not die and we will see the glory of God, but please keep praying for us. We don’t know how to do this. We need the presence of God to be more overwhelming than our circumstances. Joel’s MRI remains scheduled for tomorrow.